The Appeal

It took another man to walk away with nary a word for me to realise something about myself. I hold no appeal to the opposite sex.

Now, this isn't necessarily a bad thing. I decided at the beginning of the year the last I was dating would be the last. And he will be. But it took his absense for me to notice my lack of appeal and what I'm going to do about it.

You see, I'm too liberal for the Christian guys and too conservative for the more liberal thinkers. Too matronly for the younger guys and too immature for older men. Too into football for the geeks and too geeky for the jocks. Too smart for the industrial man and too shallow for the intellects. I'm too loud and outgoing for the quiet man, but too much of an introvert for the outgoing life of the party. I'm funny enough for the dry guy but not witty enough for the class clown. I'm chaste around the boisterous man, but too shocking for the modest guys. I'm loving and kind and honourable and organised. I love animals and my own children and willing to open my heart to his. I fear adding "a true submissive woman" because it can be misinterpreted as easily walked over and that's far from it.

I spent a lot of time looking for the right guy that I forgot how to be the right woman, not realizing she was there all along.

You see, I was never looking for a jock, or a geek, or someone smart. I was only looking for someone who loved me. Who wanted to be with me and who invested himself in me whatever way possible. Someone who thought I was worth it.

I quit looking for that person. Instead I AM that person. I love who I am. I enjoy who I've become. And I think I am so worth every effort I put forth and more.

I'll grow, and I'll mature and I'll make mistakes along the way. But I will never lose sight of who I am and how much I'm worth. Never again. If someone wants to join me on this journey, so be it. But if not, I'm fine taking it solo.

As for what I'll change about myself? Not a bloody thing. And if you love me, and if you value me as a person, a woman, a sister in Christ, you won't ask me to.

Thank you for loving me. And thank you for letting me love me too. I love you all dearly and love sharing my journey with you.