I can’t remember a time in my life when I couldn’t read. I always had books
around me. When I was sick nothing made me feel better than a thick stack of books at my bedside. When I was sad, curling up with a happy book was sure to change my mood. If I wanted to understand how cat’s whiskers helped with their balance, I read the encyclopedia. Reading was, is and will always be a huge part of my life.
When I was younger The Baby-Sitters Club, Sweet Valley Twins, Boxcar
Children, Fabulous Five and Goose Bumps were my favourite go to books.
As a teenager I graduated to Sweet Valley Twins, VC Andrews, Christopher Pike, historical nonfiction and Dean Koontz.
Now I tend to focus on whatever I can get free on my Kindle. When I buy books they run from teen novels like Percy Jackson, The Hunger Games, Divergent or slightly more adult themed like James Patterson, Dan Brown, Tom Clancy, Michael Crichton, Patricia Cornwell…
Then there’s the romance novels I tend to read and we’re going to focus on those for a bit. The typical theme of a romance novel is pretty much the same. Strong, aggressive Alpha male meets quiet, meek, virginal female. Occasionally we’ll see a strong willed, assertive woman who tends to turn her man on with a sharp tongue, unfiltered mouth, and/or physical strength that he can’t help but admire. All is right in the world until some sort of misunderstanding/issue/lack of communication…whatever…occurs. Then all hell breaks loose, they dramatically part ways and drag their best
friend/parents/children down with them. Eventually the crisis is resolved
and every lives happily ever after.
Just about every romance novel on the market is like this whether of the Christian genre where they are pure as the driven snow or into BDSM like 50 Shades of Grey.
As a rule, books are supposed to be an escape from reality. Where the reader can pause life for a few hours and immerse herself into a story that takes her far away from her problems and then return her safe and sound ready to refocus on life again.
The problem lies when we immerse ourselves in these stories and then try to apply them to the real world. I have found myself in this dangerous trap and now have to claw my way out before it’s too late.
I’ve realised I have placed expectations in my relationships that are just ridiculous and completely unrealistic. I have forgotten that men in my life make mistakes, are human, and don’t respond to me the way they do in the books. My frustrations are because they aren’t following the script I have set before them. Don’t they know that when I say, “Oh I hate Valentine’s Day! Such a waste of a holiday!” I really mean, “I really wish someone would show me how romantic Valentine’s Day can be with the right person!” Uhhh…no. LOL People tend to take others at their word and if you say, “I don’t like…” or “I would prefer…” they’re going to believe you!
“But in the books the men read between the lines and understand what the woman isn’t saying!”
Yeah…and the books are generally written by a woman who is molding her images of the “perfect man”. I’ve done that too in stories I’ve written and ended up laughing at myself at how unrealistic my characters are. :D
However, because I’ve fallen into this pit, I struggle with deciphering between fact and fiction. I find myself not just overthinking but applying the “Am I being unrealistic or is he being a jerk?” to just about every situation I’m in and it FRUSTRATES ME! Life should not be this complicated. God did not intend for it to be this complicated. We as people make it this way and it’s quite unnecessary.
I keep telling myself, “God is not the author of confusion. If I’m confused about something then a) I need to continue to pray for clarity or b) I need to remove myself from the situation.” So far I haven’t received option B to be applicable so obviously I’m the problem; not the situation.
Not only do I apply characteristics of fictional people to others, but I have found I apply them to myself. I feel like I’m supposed to react a certain way towards people, or feel a certain way when I’m around them and find myself disappointed when it isn’t the case. I’ve probably friend zoned myself more times than I can count because of this. I thought certain things were supposed to make me happy and when other things did I figured it was all wrong and moved on.
So, with my newfound knowledge that real life is NOT like the books I feel like I can make a fresh start at life. I can look at my relationships as they are instead of what I think they should be. I can set my own standards and should anything deviate from them I can assess them accordingly and not just throw out the baby with the bath water.
And this is very freeing. I realise I have very high standards (ridiculously high) and can now make more realistic choices and accept people for who they are; not for how I think they should be. This means accepting everyone warts and all, including myself.
I’m not going to be the perfect friend/girlfriend whatever, but I am going to be myself and love others for themselves.
So on this first day of Lent, I have decided to give up reading romance novels for the next 40 days. I hope it’ll help me focus on the new discoveries I’ve made and focus more on my relationships as they are and not what I expect them to be.
I understand that anything can happen and I’m okay with that. Regardless I’ll know I did everything I could to focus on realistic relationships and if I fail, all I can do is learn from it and move on. If I succeed it’s going to be one amazing relationship. Hahaha!
Wish me luck, my friends. I’ll surely need it…or will I? ;)
